Women complain that many men on dating sites don’t make much of an effort for their profile pictures. They’re wearing baseball caps. Some of them aren’t even wearing shirts. Ugh. (If you think I’m going to tell you to lower your standards and give one of these men a try, you’re wrong. If a man can’t think about the way he’s coming off on a dating site, he’s not going to think about much else.) But some women do the exact opposite. They make too much of an effort. You’re not desperate.

They post a glamorous (maybe overly glamorous) photo of themselves. They get a date. Guy says, “Let’s go to dinner.” “Whoopee!” Girl thinks. It’s been a long time since she’s met a decent guy for coffee, let alone gotten an offer for dinner. She assumes the man wants to go someplace elegant. She obsesses and picks out a dress. She finds shoes. She puts on stockings and a wrap. And if it turns out to be Chili’s or a pizzeria, that’s fine.

It may strike you as elementary, but you’d be surprised at how many women fall into this trap, dressed to the nines, stuck in some feed hall flanked by casually dressed diners (and, all too often, their screaming toddlers). Very nicely ask, ”What type of place are you thinking about?” If the place sounds unfamiliar, ask him about the dress code. (Better yet, see if the restaurant has a website, where you can get a feel for the atmosphere.) Dress to look and feel your confident best.

If a guy suggests dinner, know what you’re getting into. Go and meet him with the intention of possibly making a new friend. Plan not to overdress. While underdressing suggests you’re not making much of an effort, overdressing suggests desperation. It says you’re working too hard and thinking too much. You can be devastatingly attractive without overdressing. And, by all means, leave the wrap at home.